What am I doing watching this heap of a show? I ask myself every time I watch it. There's nothing much else on at the same time, so I tend to flick around and there it is. Car crash TV par excellence, full of idiots trying to win a competition to become the friend of an idiot. What a sorry state of a show. Hate is a strong word but I'm bordering on hating La Hilton and what she stands for, but I just can't help it. For anthropological purposed, this is the best TV show on television.

I've watched a few episodes of this series now and a few things have struck me about Ms Hilton. At the top of each show she has been at pains to justify her existence ("I'm Paris Hilton... heiress, socialite, model and brand."). It's like she know that we know she's nothing, but has invented these categories to make it seem she's something. I mean, brand? Says a lot about a person, I think, if they're happy to present themselves to the world as a brand rather than a human being.

Which, if you look at Paris strut about the place, makes more sense as time goes by. I'm starting to believe that she's actually an android under all the make-up and designer clobber. Honestly. She doesn't walk like a normal person. It's like every time she does walk, someone has flicked a switch and off she goes.

Her walk is so mechanical - arm cocked and placed on her hip, clomping legs and so uncomfortable it looks as though something large has been inserted into her rectum. Then there's her range of expressions. Or lack of. There isn't a huge range of expressions, only a set of half dozen she uses in rotation. Look closer into those eyes and you'll see nothing, just boredom and an impassivity so transparent it makes her look like a snooker ball on legs.

Still, that's Paris Hilton for you. A very odd 21st century phenomenon. When I first started watching this series, I couldn't believe someone could be so self-important as to expect people to fight to the death (well, maybe not death) to become her friend. It made me angry, but I'm so over that now. What's more interesting is the state (and the motives) of the people who actually signed up for this thing.

There's nothing worse than British people trying to talk in American accents, and this shower excel in trying to be US citizens. They speak in acronyms (OMG! TTYN!) and they caterwaul "OH MY GOD!" at any given opportunity. Flic seems to be the only really normal and sane person in there, but I'm mystified as to why even she should suck up to Paris so much.

So, like all good reality shows, the contestants are clearly insane, blinded by a delusionary light that tells them that what they're doing is a good idea. You can talk about bitchy Chrissy and mega-camp Samuel, but it's Carrie that grabs the attention.

She's clearly a four-year-old living inside a 23-year-old's body and has a slightly, stalkerish approach to Paris - she wears a Paris necklace, she constantly defends Paris in interviews and talks about her as if it were only her and Paris that exists in the world. Most of the other girls hate her.Carrie is also the type of person who needs three people around and hugging her at any given moment, so wet and emotional is she. Last night was a case in point.

In one of the challenges (there was one at a farm) everyone had to vote for who, out of their colleagues, they thought was the most genuine or the most fake. Carrie was voted as the most fake and she was mortified, unable to walk or function at the very thought that someone might dislike her.Predictably it was Carrie and an overly orange girl called Layla who were 'up for discussion' in the end.

Layla was booted off... but there was one surprise. Kat, who had left the show on medical grounds a few weeks back, returned to chagrin of the rest. They hated then and were obviously hating her all over again.Sheesh. Now they're even bringing people back. It's one person out and one person back in. This show could take years.